Life...As it is

Made up of millions and trillions of some random, small thoughts...small memories...infinite tiny breaths, pants and wheezes...small steps and big ones...this bizarre journey of "life" ends as suddenly as it begins. A thousand emotions and countless words and actions later, we are still, most of us, at any rate, unhappy with what we have in the end, dreaming of what could have been...what should have been...

Human mind is insatiable. It yearns for what it lacks, what the other has...the grass is always greener on the other side. Always eager to pass the buck onto someone else, hold someone else responsible for our ruined state, we always have a dozen people to put the blame onto.

So I did not excel in class and I tell myself its my dysfunctional family, that I am unable to study. Its my friends who disparage me from studying, my roommates who divert my attention. If nothing else, its my fiend who cheated on me.  I could not pursue what I hope to. My dream to be a doctor shattered. Its not my fault\, mind you. Its not the lack of studies at all. Its my parents who dissuaded me from applying to god forsaken colleges far off. Its my parents who do not have enough money to fund my studies in precious expensive medical schools. Its my peers who did not let me study. I am married now, a housewife and not working. Its all because of my husband, who doesn't want me to work. Its my parents who married me off so early. I would have been a professor somewhere, earning like hell. Its my family who kept bringing me some match or the other to get me married off. I would have been working somewhere, earning and leading a peaceful life. My brothers are to blame. They kept me here, beguiled me with promises for a happy family that stays together, eats together, plays together. As numerous as our failure, in fact much more, excuses never end.

Our success, on the other hand, definitely, is our own. Our very hard earned treasure.  I am no different. Nor are you.Oh my riches? Ah, this wonderful discovery that I have made? Yeah so I am the president here! Oh yes! thats all MY hard work..oh yeah my very own..my precious. In a sense,we are all "Gollums" in our own way. The greed for The Ring is ingrained in us...incredibly strong...invincible. One Ring to rule them all. The ring is, of course, different in each case.  This blind lust for success, seeking happiness in riches, power, position, money, ignoring what we have, the little things at hand, has reduced us into pitiable mortals, no better than that wretched Gollum, no better than Isildur. ready to kill for riches, I am forever weak-willed, never ready for hardship, always seeking the easy way out.

Why am I not strong enough to take my decisions and stand by them? Why am I looking for someone to put a blame on everytime? Why should I always give in to greed? Why cant I embrace my failures as I do my success? Why am I not brave enough to start all over again everytime I am put down? Why do I not focus on making my life better than wait upon someone else to take my decisions for me? Why do I mope thinking how others ruined my life?

I know one thing, as I am standing on the thin line between life and  ummm after-life, I do not want to regret for the things I couldn't do. I do not want to blame someone else for decisions gone wrong.


Its a lovely play...LIFE...a lovely sport. Whats your favourite sport? Racing? Tennis? Cricket maybe? Better than life ...is it?More fast tracked?More adventurous? I dont think so! :D Why not begin thinking? Why not be firm, be positive, more optimistic? Start deciding for yourself...put off asking others for advice.
                                  Take the journey on your own. Play the sport for yourself!

A bit of everything

So rains definitely set you on a retrospection spree...Its raining again...Once again I have a cup in my hand, this time its tea though and once again I thank Nature for making my life so beautiful, replete with all the colors. God must surely be an artist..

Anyway Dear Blog,

I come to you again....Early in the morning, its grey and misty with the heavy rains..So much like my life now. Looking back to when I was a mere 7 year old, I remember the vibrant me. A rainbow for the greyness in life today. The never-sleeps, never-idle Shreya. I was always upto something, figuring out what life is, how things work. In a sense, I still am. I guess, it'll end with me.

I was a bit of everything. A bit of a painter, a bit of a writer, some bit musician and some dancer. I was a scholar, an athelete, a comedian, an actor,a cook, a director, a singer. Parts of everything, which expressed in me freely. I did it all...I yearned to learn it all.
When we are young we get to be so much....a doctor today, a pilot tomorrow, an architect today, perhaps a paanwallah the other day??   Its a riot then...not any longer.


What am I now? A scientist in making? Its all only about science now...and am I even acing that? I don't think so. I wake up; I think of my experiments...I lie down at night and its my thesis...The day goes in how to beat the crap out of cancer...Where is me? Is science the only thing that gives me solace? Did I ever want my life to be this way? I am not sure...



In fact isn't it with most of us? Haven't all of us, knowingly or unknowingly, been trapped in the race for the survival-of-the-fittest? How many of us go out of our way to paint..to sing..to cook..to play..to dance..to do that one thing which will just make us happy...has no physical prize attached to it..is solely food for our soul....very few, I reckon. Certainly not me.


Growing up for me has just been shedding it all off...one by one.....